State of Affairs 1-16-2012

So things are kind of at a weird place right now.
Wedding is kind of postponed indefinitely for reasons of money & also reasons of candace-gets-way-too-overwhelmed-and-can't-deal-with-planning-things. I'm trying to focus on other aspects of my life. It's hard when you don't really know what it is that you want out of life. Do I do the smart/easy thing? Do I "follow my dreams" and potentially get myself deep into student loan debt and for what? The odds that I ever actually make it as a writer/director are so low that I can't even fathom them. But what's the alternative? I can't think of a single "normal" job that I would be happy doing for the rest of my life. I want to be a writer in some shape or form, but I've fucked up my college transcript so badly that going that route via college is kind of out of the question.
I'm working on a script that I really want to film this summer. I tried the whole "making a movie" thing before and it was a grand disaster. BUT, I have a lot more planning now, I know the mistakes I made last time, and I have a leading actress that I know can pull it off. Writing-wise, I know I have the talent to do this. I can't say very many positive things about myself, but I can say that I know I'm a good writer. It's just a matter of making it known that I'm a good writer. Of "honing in" on my as-of-yet non-existent sills as a director.


Maybe Vegas will help me clear my head. Doubt it, but it's worth a shot. I just sort of feel like I've been in a fog lately. Since Christmas time has just been kind of flying by me and I'm just standing still, not getting anything accomplished. I will do this. I will make it. I have to.