Candace's favorite things : Film/ Directors/ Actors

all time favorite films

once again, i'll probably come back and elaborate on this later.

FILMS:
10. West Side Story
9. The Sound of Music
8. E.T.
7. SLC Punk!
6. Annie Hall
5. Ghost World
4. The Social Network
3. American History X
2. The Shining
1. Trainspotting

DIRECTORS:
1. Stanley Kubrick
2. Danny Boyle
3.Woody Allen
4. Edgar Wright
5. David Fincher

ACTORS: 
1. Steve Buscemi
2. Brad Renfro (RIP)
3. Andrew Garfield
4. John C. Reily
5. Emile Hirsch

ACTRESSES :
1. Tilda Swinton
2. Kate Winslet
3. Emma Stone
4. Jenna Malone
5. Jessica Chastain

rainymood.com, coffee, and my laptop to write are really the only material things i can't live without. everything else is just icing on the cake :]

Excerpt from "The Straw People"

The second big tragedy of my life happened on a Tuesday, which is an even more inconsiderate day for a tragedy to happen. Tuesdays were my counseling session days. I noticed that Grim wasn't there when I arrived outside of Mrs. Simpson's office. I didn't think too much of it. He could have been sick, or he could have just skipped that day. It wasn't the first time he hadn't been there. There was no grand feeling in my gut that something was wrong. At least not until Mrs. Simpson opened the door to her office and stepped out.

Her face was blotchy and red like she had been crying. She held a tissue in her hand and had her sweater wrapped tightly around her. “Come in, Monroe,” she said.

I wanted to say no. I didn't know what was wrong but I knew immediately that I didn't want to go into that office. If I stayed sitting in the chair for the rest of eternity then I never had to know the reason why she was crying and I could live my life in peace.

I didn't say no. I stood up and walked past her and took my usual seat in front of her desk. She closed the door and sat down and stared at her hands for a good while. I felt out of place. I was interrupting something personal. “Should I go?” I asked.

She shook her head. “It's about James.”

“James?” I didn't know anyone named James.

“Grim.”

I smiled despite the situation. I could not wrap my head around the idea that Grim's name had actually been James. The look that she gave me killed my smile rather quickly. “What about Grim?”

“Last night, James took his own life.”

I had the feeling that she had rehearsed that line a thousand times and it still hadn't come out the way she'd hoped it would. I pictured her standing in front of a mirror reciting the information. I needed to. I needed to think about anything other than what she had just said to me. Grim was dead.

The floor fell out from under me. I expected my chair to plummet all the way down to the center of the earth and burst into flames. I was so sure that this would happen that I gripped the sides of the chair until my knuckles turned white. “No,” was all that I could manage to say. Mrs. Simpson nodded.

“I'm very sorry to have to be the one to deliver this news to you,” she said. It felt like a cheap thing to say.

“Can I skip the rest of our meeting?” I asked.

She seemed reluctant. She didn't want to let an unstable fifteen year old walk out after hearing such tragic news, but I don't think she was aware of how close Grim and I actually were. She didn't know that my body had suddenly gone hollow and the room was spinning and I wasn't even sure if I would be able to stand.

Best of 2011 Series: Film

I'm going to go back and elaborate on/review most of these films later. I just want to get them down and organize my thoughts. In general, 2011 was a shitty shitty year for film. My theory is that 2010 was such an amazing year that no one even bothered in 2011. As it was, it was actually pretty hard for me to compile a top ten list. As I write this list I have not seen Martha, Marcy, May, Marlene or Drive, or Beginners, or The Artist (I don't know that I'll ever see The Artist - just doesn't appeal to me) or Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy or Shame, or A Separation or We Need to Talk about Kevin (Damn, I need to get on this) so this may be edited later.

10. Cedar Rapids
9. The Decedents
8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2
7. Win Win
6. Rango
5.Submarine
4. Melancholia
3. Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
2. Midnight in Paris
1. Take Shelter

Best of 2011 Series: Albums/ Songs

I rarely ever get introduced to new bands. So oftentimes when I do a "best of" list, it only includes the bands I've already been in love with that released new albums. That's pretty much going to be the case this year too. I'm only doing a top six (why six? because five feels like too few). Then I'm doing a top five songs of the year. So here it goes.

ALBUMS:

6. England Keep my Bones by Frank Turner
Not as good as Love Ire & Song, but still.

5. Rome by Danger Mouse and Danielle Luppi

4.Watch the Throne by Jay Z and Kanye West

3. Camp by Childish Gambino
Lived up to the hype. Just saying.

2. Major/Minor by Thrice
Alex's favorite band has now become one of my favorite bands. Thrice is the perfect combination of lyrical maturity and musical angst. Thrice's music creates emotions in you. And they're live shows are fucking amazing.

1. The People's Key by Bright Eyes
Bright Eyes released an album this year and I was a little bit worried because it's been a while and I'm not a huge fan of Conor's second solo album or the Monsters of Folk stuff. BUT it was Bright Eyes in true form. And I got to see them live and cross that off of my bucket list. Seeing them live is easily going down as one of the greatest experiences of my life.

SONGS

5.Cataracts by Thrice (WHAT? ANOTHER thrice song? Why, yes. They're just that damn good.)

4. Niggas in Paris by Jay Z and Kanye West

3.Ladder Song by Bright Eyes

2.Backpackers by Childish Gambino (one of the best hip-hop songs I've heard in years)

 1. Treading Paper by Thrice.

On why I am a Gambino Girl

I use this picture too much. I just really like the hard-lived, world-weary thing I have going on. But I'm posting it during this entry for one specific reason: the Gamino Girl bracelet.

I became obsessed with Community during the first season, obsessed with Donald Glover about a year after, and came completely late to the game by only becoming obsessed with Childish Gambino some time in early 2011. I've always been a hip-hop fan. In fact, hip-hop was the first genre I ever attached myself to; back when I was in elementary school wearing shrimp earrings and using the word "dawg" un-ironically. So it's no stretch of the imagination to believe that when I came across Gambino's mixtapes I was an immediate fan. But as I got deeper and deeper into his discography, and especially once he released 'Camp', I realized just how much I love Gambino. I could listen to the same songs over and over again and never get tired of them. It's only recently that I'm realizing why I took to Gambino's music so fiercely. He is the first artist (and I mean all genres of music) that I've felt I can genuinely relate to.

I can hear people rolling their eyes at me. Allow me to elaborate. In some of his older stuff (but particularly on Camp) he talks a lot about growing up in the ghetto but never feeling like he fit in. He talks about being at odds with "black culture" and "rap culture" but the separation being unintentional. Family members resent him and his family for the success he has achieved. In "Outside" he talks about a cousin who he used to be really close to but the bond has faded and that is in part due to not only the functionality of his own family but his success in Hollywood. These are the things I can relate to.

The majority of my extended family is poor. Both of my parents grew up below the poverty level and worked their way out so that when I was growing up I was able to go to private school and have nice things. My family members resented me for it. Not all of them, but particularly my dad's side of the family. I felt out of place. I felt guilty for the money we had. (We were middle class, not exactly rich but when most of your family is on welfare it's a pretty big separation). The majority of the friends (read: all) I made were also poor. This was a trend that continued through high school. I didn't intentionally seek out friends who didn't have money, it just kind of ended up that way. I was "ghetto". I had friends in "gangs". I used to spend weekends with my best friend in middle school who lived in the courts, rather than at my own house. My own brother was in a gang. Our house got shot up when I was in first grade.

Now that I'm older I still don't really know what to make of all of it. I grew up in a "ghetto" part of San Antonio, but now I live in pretty much the country. I'm at odds with Mexican culture here in San Antonio (because the Mexican culture here is not Mexican culture in general). I feel a part of it but also I feel like an outsider. Like I don't really belong anywhere. I feel like this is part of what Childish Gambino talks about. He isn't "black" enough, but he's still too "black" to be part of any other culture. It's like that.

And that about sums it up for me.  "Outside" says it pretty well.

State of Affairs 1-16-2012

So things are kind of at a weird place right now.
Wedding is kind of postponed indefinitely for reasons of money & also reasons of candace-gets-way-too-overwhelmed-and-can't-deal-with-planning-things. I'm trying to focus on other aspects of my life. It's hard when you don't really know what it is that you want out of life. Do I do the smart/easy thing? Do I "follow my dreams" and potentially get myself deep into student loan debt and for what? The odds that I ever actually make it as a writer/director are so low that I can't even fathom them. But what's the alternative? I can't think of a single "normal" job that I would be happy doing for the rest of my life. I want to be a writer in some shape or form, but I've fucked up my college transcript so badly that going that route via college is kind of out of the question.
I'm working on a script that I really want to film this summer. I tried the whole "making a movie" thing before and it was a grand disaster. BUT, I have a lot more planning now, I know the mistakes I made last time, and I have a leading actress that I know can pull it off. Writing-wise, I know I have the talent to do this. I can't say very many positive things about myself, but I can say that I know I'm a good writer. It's just a matter of making it known that I'm a good writer. Of "honing in" on my as-of-yet non-existent sills as a director.


Maybe Vegas will help me clear my head. Doubt it, but it's worth a shot. I just sort of feel like I've been in a fog lately. Since Christmas time has just been kind of flying by me and I'm just standing still, not getting anything accomplished. I will do this. I will make it. I have to.

So this will be my blog.

I'm not quite sure what direction it's going to go. I think it's going to chronicle this semester, in which I plan to make a lot of changes in my life. Working on a script that I hope to shoot this summer, saving money, finishing my associate's degree, ect. ect. I'll talk about film, television, books, music, my life, my friends, and anything else in between.

It might be interesting... it probably won't be.